Need jokes

[sith]

Hehe... thanks  

[Allen]

So, a skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

That brought a smile to my face

-Ally-happy-b-

[CapTAmerik@]

Talking about dry humour...

QUESTION:
It's heavy and when it falls from a tree, your refridgerator will be broke?

ANSWER:
The refridgerator

[Kon-Tiki]

Woehahahahar! That's a good one. Here's another, bit more morbid one.

The mother of John comes home from work. Just when she enters the house, John and his little sister come running towards her:
"Mama, mama! Dad has hung (*) himself in the basement!"
The mother turns pale and rushes towards the basement, but she can't see anything there. The two kids:
"Fooled you! He hangs in the attic!"

-Kon-Tiki-

(*)If this's a spelling error, it's because they're kids, NOT because I can't remember what it should be

[Eigen]

Thank's everybody for these jokes. I really appreciatedit.

[CapTAmerik@]

Hey Kon-Tiki,
That's a good one. Especially the little note under the joke: if it's a spelling error, it's not because of me. Yeah right, ha ha. Anyway, to kill of this topic, let's all do one last round of jokes and get back to programming...

 

QUESTION:

It's grey and when it hits you in the eye you're dead meat....

ANSWER:

An airplane

[Kon-Tiki]

Hehehe, those kind of jokes kill me
Here's my last one: the infamous joke of probably. If I want to use the heavy gear, I take out this joke (or John with the red shoes, but you should have the time for that )
Anyway:

The teacher has just explained the meaning of the word 'probably' and to see if the kids understand it, he asks for some examples.
(George) "OO OO, master, master!"
(Teacher) "Yes, George?"
(George) "Today it's friday and tomorrow it'll probably be saturday."
(Teacher) "Good George."
(Allen) "OO OO, master, master!"
(Teacher) "Yes, Allen?"
(Allen) "Now it's raining, but later, the sun'll probably shine."
(Teacher) "Good Allen."
Then there comes a shy little finger up from one of the last rows. The teacher, glad somebody from there is willing to answer:
(Teacher) "Yes, John?"
(John) "Master, you know I have a sister, don't you?"
(Teacher) "Yes John, but what has that to do with the word 'Probably'?"
(John) "LEMMEFINISHLEMMEFINISH
             You know she take pianolessons, don't you?"
(Teacher) "Yes John, but there's still no connection to the word 'Probably'."
(John) "LEMMEFINISHLEMMEFINISH
             Well, every saturday, the pianoteacher comes     to our house and he and my sister go into the pianoroom, but I am not stupid. No siree! I look through the keyhole. Then my sister takes off her skirt and her panties and the pianoteacher takes off his pants and his underpants and they'll probably go poo in the piano."

Okok, I know. It sounds better when I tell it live, but hey, all jokes do.

-Kon-Tiki-

[OmerMor]

Which one is heavier or an elephant?  
----------
One man wakes up one morning, brushes his teeth, peeks through the window and to his astonishment he sees a gorilla on a nearby tree.
He then goes to the yellow pages, look for a gorilla exterminator, and call the first one he found.
After half an hour comes the gorilla exterminator, with a gun in one hand and a leash tied to a fearsome pitbull on the other.
"Good morning", he sais, "my name is John, and I'm here to exterminate your gorilla."
"Here's what we gonna do: you'll take this shotgun, and I'm gonna climb up that tree, wrestle the gorilla and knock him off the tree. Then this specially trained pitbull will jump on the gorilla, and grab his balls , until I come down and lock him up."
"But what do you want me to do with the shotgun?" asked the man.
"It's good you asked. Your role here is very important. If something goes wrong, and I fall off the tree - you must do me a favor and please please shoot the pitbull!"

I hope my translation is good enough - I tell this joke better in hebrew...  

[StrangeQuark]

How is American beer like having sex in a canoe?


They're both fucking close to water!  

[Allen]

(cough*Montypythonripoff*cough)

-Allyb-

[ehcb]

A man is severly drunk on Strawberry spirits .

He's staggering down the road with a bottle of the stuff in each pocket, he clinks when he walks, after a while he falls over and hears feels some glass cut into him, he feels himself and finds some sunstance on himself, he looks at his hands and se the read stuff and says:

"Thank god it's only blood"

[crazyjimmy]

this doesn't work as a spoken joke but as an acted out joke which you could animate in an SCI game.

man goes in for physical
doctor puts hands under his ****s and says "turn your head and cough"
man turns head, pulls out a bong, takes a really big long toke, then coughs out his hit

a guy named Chris told me that joke